Hong Kong style Wedding

Perhaps some philosophers before Socrates already wrote about the philosophy of marriage. But on what to eat in the wedding feast, there has never been much attention.

Marriage to me is the continuous repetition of the eating action of roast suckling pig, as suckling pig is a traditional indispensable dish in all Hong Kong wedding feasts. When I was a little girl, whenever I saw the red invitation card (red is the classical color for wedding invitation in Hong Kong), I expected to be invited to a dinner of roast suckling pig. I like this dish so much that I waited on every wedding day with great enthusiasm, perhaps more than the spouses themselves. When I get to taste a piece of tasty suckling pig in the wedding, I always feel a nice sensation like 'I might even die right now without regret'. I never feel so affirmed and satisfied with my existence as when I fill myself with a piece of crunchy suckling pig.
 
Unfortunately, having a good piece of roast suckling pig is not something that happens every day. From the moment the groom asks the bride to marry him, to the time that the guests having the suckling pig in their wedding might pass years. Prior to January 24, 2010, I could not imagine how complicated a Hong Kong style wedding could be until I participated in one of my dear friends.


I think that wedding in Hong Kong is so complicated because of the tradition fusion. The traditional chinese wedding rites are mixed to modern elements. It is just like cooking vermicelli and spaghetti in the same pot, and maintaining good texture of both. It is very complicated.

After deciding to get married, the engaged couple must first choose a 'propitious time and day' to get married. There are many taboos to avoid, usually have to avoid choosing the birthdays of the relatives of both families. If there were many relatives, then there would not be many days left to choose from. In the meantime, the couple have to ask for availability for the day where the ceremony and feast would be held. Usually, the popular location have a waiting list of over a year.

There are 6 important rites to be respected before and during the wedding in Hong Kong.

In the preparation of the wedding:
The Betrothal, the installation of the bridal bed, the consignment of dowry, and the ritual of combing,

During the wedding:
To pick up the bride, the departure from 'the door' and the arrival at 'the door'
 
The Betrothal
Conclude the promise of marriage. The family of the groom chooses a propitious day and brings the money (the amount was agreed after lengthy negotiations between two families) and various types of gifts to the house of the bride. There are different types of gift, for example, the money means that the groom thanks for the education the parent of bride are given. Another example is a pair of coconuts that bless fertility since the pronunciation of the word 'coconut' in Chinese is very similar to 'father and son'.

Installation of the bridal bed
A few days before the wedding, the couple must pick a propitious day (how many propitious days have to be picked ...) for the installation of the bridal bed. They need to find a 'Good Luck Man' (that is a man with a family and many children, and of course he should not be widowed or divorced) who puts the bridal bed in good position. The good position depends on the dates of birth of the couple, and there should not be any sharp edges of the furniture pointing towards the bed. After that, a 'Good Luck Woman' will be called to make the bed and put lots of candies on the bed cover. Once finished, it is forbidden to sit on the bed for the engaged couples, adults, widows and divorcees, only children are allowed because they bring fertility.

The consignment of dowry
The dowry should be sent to the groom's house at least a day before the wedding. In the old days, the value of the dowry was a symbol of power and wealth of the bride's family.

The ritual of combing
This ritual is performed the night before the wedding. In the past, after having promised to groom, the bride had to change her hair style and carry hair bun, as a symbol for her engagement. The ritual of combing is very important. The bride must find a 'Blessed Woman' (that is with the closed family members alive: grandparents, parents, siblings, spouses and children) and use a new comb to comb the hair of the bride.

Before the big day, there are still many trivial things to fix: try and confirm the menu, fix the location of the wedding, print and distribute invitations, try out the wedding gowns with makeup and hairstyle, on diet and lose weight (probably would have to modify the fitting of the gown when losing too much), find the wedding car, book the wedding cake, look for a photographer, prepare the gold ornaments for the bride, prepare to move to the new house and last but not least, wedding photos of the couple. In Hong Kong, wedding pictures are not taken only on the day of wedding but also much earlier. The spouses may go where they want to take pictures: Paris, Japan, Macau, China are the most popular photo-shooting spots. . After fixing all these things, they can finally get married.



To pick up the bride
The groom goes to bride's house and take her away. This ritual has undergone some changes compared to more traditional procedures. Today, friends of the bride prepare a series of jokes to challenge the group of friends of the groom. For example, in my best friend's wedding, we ladies made a list of questions (including questions of IQ, history, pop culture, etc.) and the groom's group required to stay in the most difficult YOGA gestures and answered questions. After they passed all challenges, the groom is allowed to see and welcome the bride. Then the spouse have to offer tea on their knees to bride's parent.

The departure from the door
The bride departs from her house. When the bride leaves her house, her female attendant (her escort accompany her to the groom's house, the attendant must be unmarried) keeps an red umbrella open and covers the bride, the red umbrella is a symbol of felicity and fertility. Then other female friends scatter rice grains around the bride.



Arrival at the door
The bride arrives the house of the groom and greets the parent-in-law. The spouse should be down on bended knees to offer tea to the parent. The parent-in-law present jewelery as gifts to the bride. She has to put them on immediately as a matter of respect.
 
It is not an end after having all these 6 traditional rituals done. After that, it comes the modern ceremony, time for the spouse to sign the contract and become husband and wife legally. In Hong Kong, after the modification of law in 2006, couples are allowed to get married anywhere they want by appointing a civil celebrant of marriage.



After the ceremony, here comes my important moment – the feast! Watching my two dearest friends together for 10 years, passing through happy and sad moments like many other couples, finally I am here for their wedding feast in front of a suckling pig. I am watching its eyes, they are replaced by two cherries, seducing me with the red lights.

I cannot resist not to pick a piece up, and try to find out from my mind the images of the last suckling pig I ate, however I fail. It must have passed a very long time. Seems like starting from certain times...no one wants to get married.




I take a deep breathe, close my eyes, swallow down that piece of suckling pig decisively. In my heart, I sing a song that we used to sing always – 'When the grapes ripe':

Leave the stone that hurts you
Learn from mistakes
Maybe it is not the season of good harvest
but you have to accept
Maybe when your love is matured
become a good wine
then the time has come

My dear friends, I wish you happy always.